Tuesday, October 02, 2007

ONE YEAR


My world changed drastically one year ago. At 3:33pm on Oct. 2nd, 2006 I gave birth to the most precious gift from God. It was nothing like I had imagined, and yet everything I had imagined all at the same time. I knew a C-section was a strong possibility, as my doctor told me I had an unusually small pelvis and he did not know if I would be able to pass Jordan naturally. I still clung to the hope of a normal delivery, but knew the end result would be the same. Mostly I was afraid of the recovery from a C-section. At any rate….on with the story. We found out we were pregnant sometime in March, I took a home pregnancy test, because I “felt pregnant.” I wasn’t late, and wasn’t even due for another 2 weeks. I just had a feeling that I might be pregnant, so I took the test. And it was positive. I didn’t believe it. I was on the pill. So I took another test. I still didn’t believe it. So I took another test. I took 4 tests over a 2 day period at different times of the day and they were all positive. I got online and read about the probability of “false positives” and found that it was low, very very low. BJ was along for the whole thing. He was beside himself. I was too, but still scared and not 100% sure it was true. I made a doctor’s appointment and it was confirmed. I was pregnant. I had a life growing inside of me. Nothing can prepare you for that news. It was amazing. I was going to be a mom. I was excited, worried, scared, all at the same time. We proceeded to tell our friends and family the news. Everyone was elated.

Then I blinked.

9 months had passed and it was October and she was nearly here. We had prepared and prepared for her and yet, it seemed impossible that it was time. I had an uneventful pregnancy and so it went by quickly. I had been on bed rest for a few days due to swelling and high blood pressure. It was under control. Then I spent a whole day cleaning my house because I was having a baby shower and had to have it perfect before my guests arrived. I over did it. The next day my feet were HUGE….I mean, unrecognizable. I would look at them and think “those are not my feet!” My hands looked like sausages and my head hurt so bad I could hardly stand it. I called the doctor, because I was told to do so if the headache was bad. They told me to come in. We just knew we’d go in, they look at me and send me home on bed rest. We didn’t take our stuff, we didn’t call anyone, we just knew it’d be a quick in and out visit. It was the weekend, so I had to go to the hospital to be seen. They checked us in, I peed in a cup, they hooked me up and a few hours later told me they wanted to induce as I had some protein my urine and my blood pressure was higher than they’d like.

We both looked at each other and said “we’re going to have this baby TODAY.” They gave me some things to help get me ready for inducement, and then they gave me the pitocin. And then nothing happened. Not one thing. I think I dilated to a 1 in like 24 hours. They gave me the option of continuing on and seeing if I would dilate any more and labor and then still probably have to have the C-section or just go ahead with the C-section. As much as I wanted a normal delivery, I knew the probability of me having a C-section was high, so I went ahead with it. Then things got interesting. I got a block, my whole lower body was numb. I was already on magnesium for the blood pressure, and it made me feel like a drunken person who unexpectedly would fall asleep mid sentence. I was getting ready to go into surgery. I had a room full of family and I suddenly went into a severe panic. I felt like my body was doing strange things and I could not control the movement of my eyes. At least that is how I felt. Everyone said I looked fine, but I was freaking out. I started crying hysterically. I think I just had a panic attack because I was so nervous about the surgery.

I went into surgery. I barely remember any of it. I was very sick. I threw up the whole time. Keep in mind, I’m on my back, elevated downward, my hands are tied down and I can’t see anything past my chest. Not to mention the fact that I am so groggy and in-coherent, I really had no idea what was going on. BJ was there and saw the whole thing. He says the surgery was like 20mintues. I remember 3 of them. I remember after they got her out, BJ was telling me she had hair. I remember asking him over and over again “is she ok? Is she ok?” He took a picture of her while they cleaned her off to show me. When they were done he brought her to me and held her to my head so I could see her. I cried. I didn’t think I would, but it is the most amazing thing.

They closed me up and BJ took her to the nursery. I went to recovery and then back to the room. It seemed like FOREVER before they brought her back to me. I cannot put into words what it felt like to hold her for the first time. There are no words.

It’s been a whole year and she is even more precious now than ever. She’s my whole world and I don’t know what I did before her or what I’d do without her.

Happy Birthday Jordan. We love you so much more than you’ll ever know.







7 comments:

caseyfaye93 said...

you are so lucky to have such a beautiful healthy girl and she is just as lucky to have such an amazing momma...just precious...love

Happy Birthday Jordan!

Anonymous said...

Oh my Brandy. Among many of your talents such as photography you need to add writing. I cried because you pulled me into this story and I felt like I was right there with you. Girl, you amaze me. Jordan is so beautiful. God speed, karen b

kara said...

loved the story. you'll probably hear a similar one when harbin is one here in a few months.:) i had c sections with both kiddos....the recovery (and sometimes the process) isn't fun, but it is so worth it as you know. glad she had a good birthday. i LOVE the cake and the baby cake for her...where did you get it???

Welcome to Our Lives... said...

Oh my goodness; what a beautiful dedication to your little girl. I bawled like a baby! Where did you get that cake? Precious!!

Brandy said...

Amy & Kara, and anyone else who wants to know..the cakes came from Shelby Lynn's in Springdale (on Emma). They are FABULOUS! The quality is that of Ricks or Chucks (in fact, I think they are owned by the same ppl as Chucks), but they are SUPER affordable. Both cakes were $24 with tax... :-) I loved them!

Jessica said...

Jordan is so lucky to have you for a momma. You are so pleasing in God's sight, Brandy, and an example to us all! You have raised Jordan to love and fear the Lord, and for that, I know God has and will continue to bless you. I love this verse- it always makes me think of motherhood-

"But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." 2 Chronicles, 15:7

The Holloway Family said...

Happy Birthday Jordan!! It goes by fast doesn't it? I too was told that I had a small pelvis and I would likely have a c-section, but they let me go through 16 hrs of labor before they finally did one (I'm so glad too b/c she was over 10 lbs). I remember laying there in the crucifix position feeling like I was going to throw up (just like you described it). It was completely worth it!!