Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Emotions of Motherhood....

So I've been crying off and on all week and today spent most of the evening in utter pain! My mother-in-law has been thinking of getting a job and working instead of watching Jordan. She has been speculating about it for about a week and had a couple of interviews and has been offered a job. She doesn't WANT to stop watching Jordan, but I guess she needs to have more gainful employment than the meager wage we pay her. Which I understand. Unfortunately this creates a HUGE stressor for me. I have absolutely LOVED having Jordan with her grandma while we work. Jordan has enjoyed it as well. It takes away any worry I have of her not being cared for properly.

Because I spend my days looking at children who have been abused in some fashion, it is indescribably hard for me to entertain the idea of a stranger, or even someone I barely know caring for my child. It is just not an option for me at this point. My mother-in-law told me today that she is going to work next week for one week to see how she likes the job, which is what the employer proposed because she was hesitant to take it. So I’m perplexed as to what to do next week and the weeks thereafter if she decides to stick with it.

My options are: 1-Find a day care with an opening that I can afford that is conveniently located between home and work, while I worry for 8 hours a day 5 days a week that my child is not being properly cared for. 2-BJ quits work and stays home with Jordan, continuing to work his part time job in the evening and attend classes online, somewhat stressing our finances. 3-Quit my job and sell my house, live in a trailer, get food stamps and live off the state.

Since none of these options are what I want, I don’t know what I’m going to do. We are leaning towards #2. But we’ll see.

Anyway, I’d appreciate your prayers on this matter. Selfishly, I’d like for my mother-in-law to keep watching Jordan, but that is selfish and well, ya know. Ok, I’m crying again so I’m going to go. Please pray for us.


ashleydiggs said...

There's always LR and I'LL watch her! I don't care if it is a meager wage! :)

Jessica said...

Oh Brandy. I'm so sorry, hon. I KNOW how hard this is. In fact, it is the one main reasons I have yet to become a mother. Making those types of decisions are hard. Really hard. I can give you some names of some ladies I go to church with who live in the Farmington area who keep a few kids. I can do it this summer! Seriously! I'll work for card stock, how's that? : ) You know, this verse came to mind while I was reading your post, "I sought the Lord and He heard me. And He delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4 Seek His face in the quiet darkness of your prayer closet, Brandy. Ask Him to reveal Himself in such a ay that peace and comfort would wash away the fear.
Loving you, and fully trusting in the Redeemer to help you through this,

Anonymous said...

Wouldn’t it be best to let her other grandmother watch her, instead of BJ quitting his job? Didn’t she watch Jordan before? Doesn’t she watch your niece Callie now? Seems to me God has already answered your prayers through your mother. I personally know she would be the better option out of the three you stated. Do you think she would say no if you asked her, have you asked her? Have you told her of your dilemma? Food for thought if nothing else I suppose.

Will be praying for you an yours, Much Love an Respect.

Brandy said...

It is a 45 minute drive to her house and it is hard on me to make that drive twice a day, not to mention the fact that I'm not supposed to transport Jordan in my work car and that is a huge risk I take when I do. But I have thought about it, it's just not practical right now.

caseyfaye93 said...

I love you so much and I just know if will all work out...the verse Jessica mentioned is so're one of the strongest women ever, you know's another one of his tests you're so sick of...all my love and support!