Mommy Wars

To work or stay at home. The ultimate mommy question. Before I was a mom, I vowed I never wanted to stay home. I would proudly say "I went to college to work and have a career, not let someone take care of me!" I have always been independent and have always prided myself on my ability to take care of myself. I NEVER intended to be a stay at home mom, I never even thought I WANTED to be a stay at home mom. That is of course until I had a child.

You think you know how you'll feel and what you'll think when you become a mom. The truth is, you don't. You won't. You can't. Not until you are there, staring into those precious eyes that rely on you for their every need, both basic and complex. What a daunting task.

Obviously there are many many many mothers who work and mother. It can be done. I do it. I don't know if I do it well though. I have a tremendous amount of guilt most days. Let me say though, that I am SO SO SO blessed and so is Jordan to have her grandma take care of her while BJ and I work. She's amazing and Jordan loves her so so so much! I could never express to her what it means to me the sacrifices she has made in order to be with Jordan. She reads my blog, so THANK YOU G'MA FOSHE!

I do have a peace about her care when I'm at work. I don't worry about if she's getting fed or if her diapers are getting changed or if she is getting educational interaction, because I know that she is. She comes home every day having learned a new word or a new sound or something new and cute! She doesn't cry when I leave her, but she's happy to see me at the end of the day.

Trust me, I realize how great I have it. But I lay in bed some nights and cry because my time with her on a given week day totals about 2.5 hours. I spend about half an hour with her in the morning, which consists of getting her up, dressed and her bag packed up and everyone in the car, the drive to g'mas and the "transition" time at G'mas. Then, in the evenings, I get home most nights between 5-6, usually closer to 6. She is either taking her 2nd nap when I get home or she's up getting ready for dinner. We eat, she gets a bath and we play for a bit and she's usually in bed by 8pm if not earlier.

Some days, like Tuesday, when I worked till midnight, I don't see her at all, except the morning drive to G'ma's. Those days are particularly hard. I can usually spend a little extra time with her the next morning, but still. It's hard.

I say all this to say that while being a stay at home mom is simply not possible for us right now, I am seeking employment that may allow me to stay with Jordan more. It would mean much more time at home. The position has a salary that is comparable to my salary now, so it would not be a financial hardship for us. Basically, it's my dream job. It's doing something I am passionate about and it would allow me more time with my family.

So, I ask you, blogger friends to pray. Pray hard. I ultimately want God's will for my life and for my family. So I am not asking you to pray that I would get this job. What I am asking is that you would pray for God's will to be done and that I would have a peace about whatever happens. Thank you.

And, just because no post is complete without a picture....or two...

She's such a POSER!

Throwback Thursday

Gosh, it's been a crazy busy week for me. I am really overwhelmed at work. I don't know if you've been watching the news, but there has been a rash of serious child abuse cases. It's really crazy. And for every one that does make the news, theres at least 20 more that don't. I am currently carrying a workload of almost 30, which is about twice as much as is really managable. So I'm very overwhelmed. On top of that, I'm on call this week. I had 5 scheduled interviews on Monday, worked until about midnight on Tuesday night, which was awful! Had court yesturday, and have equal amounts of work to do to day and tomorrow! I can't wait till this week is over!! Not that next week looks any better, but at least it will be a new week!

Onto TT. So, since I'm out of childhood pictures for the time being, I've decided that any picture that was taken pre-blogging, is game. I mean, afterall, if I had been blogging at the time they were take, I most certainly would have blogged about them! Right?!

Anyway. Here are a few of the first pictures that BJ and I took together. A little background on us. We started dating in July of 2003. We were engaged in October of 2003. We were married in August 2004. So things went pretty quickly for us. We knew pretty much immediately that we loved each other and that we were the ones God intended for one another. I never had a flinge of doubt or fear that I was marrying the wrong person or that I hadn't given things enough time. Another thing that BJ and I decided on was to abstain from sex before marriage. It was a decision that we both made separately before we knew each other and then again together for our relationship. It was by far the best choice and has made our marriage that much stronger and special.

Okay, onto the pictures.

Love you...

I haven't done many layouts for myself lately...been busy with other things. BUT, I found this GREAT template from M Originals and just had to use some of Digitreats skip papers, they're fabulous!! So, here's what I came up with. I took this absolutely precious picture of Jordan the other night and wanted a great way to show it off. Isn't she the MOST absolute precious thing you've ever seen?!

Throwback Thursday...

Okay, so for today, we're not going THAT far back.

These were taken in my college days, which are becoming farther and farther away, despite my unwillingness to get old!

I've been out of college for almost four years, and these were probably taken my Sophomore year, so at least 6 years ago! I think that qualifies for Throwback Thursday, don't you?! I'm hoping to dig up some more childhood pictures soon...as I've used all the ones I have in my possession. If you can believe it, I've been doing TT for SIX months, pretty faithfully, I think I've only missed two Thursdays!

At any rate, we were having a blast dressing up for this DISCO skate!! Those are my best college buds, Magevney & Alicia (aka, Martha Stewart and also my old housemate!)

Enjoy!

My Sweet Valentine!

Okay, so my husband is really sweet. He always has been. He does things unexpectedly that really take me aback. We've been married 3 and 1/2 years and together for 4 and 1/2 years. Our first Valentines together, we were engaged and he sent me on this great scavenger hunt that ended at my parents house with a great pair of white gold hoop earrings, that I still wear everyday--that was 4 years ago! Our first Christmas together, we were also engaged and he got me this sweet leather jacket I had been eyeing---a great gift in itself, but not what I tell the story for. When I opened it on the top of the box was taped a beautiful poem written by my sweet man. As if that wasn't enough....I got the coat out, put in on for modeling, slid my hands inside the pockets and in each pocket was a small piece of paper, each with another poem he'd written for me! He's does sweet and romantic things just often enough to surprise me and not so often that I get too used to it! lol. You can see what he did last year here.

So, since I never expect these things, he surprised me good on Thursday. I got up just like any other day to get ready to go to work. BJ is usually gone by the time I get in the shower, as he was this morning. I walked into the bathroom and noticed that the shower curtain was closed, and it usually is not. I really didn't think much of it and just went on with my routine. I was in the shower, standing under the water thinking about how much I did NOT want to go to work, how tired I was, etc... I was facing the water and out of the corner of my eye I saw something red. Jordan has a tub of those bath-time letters and numbers that stick to the shower wall. She plays with a handful of them and the rest stay in the bucket in the cabinet. Well, so I noticed this redness out of the corner of my eye.

So I turn and look over and I see this:

Isn't that just the SWEETEST thing you've ever seen?!!? Okay, well, it worked for me, I'm easy to please! :-) It literally made me smile from ear to ear and I just made my whole day so much better and happier!!

He also came home with flowers and a card to boot!

Thanks Honey, I love you so much more than you'll ever know!!!

Happy Heart Day!

Working Girl...

Dang, she's cute!!

Sweet Sweetness!!

It's official, she's not really a "baby" anymore....it's so unbelievable how fast time has gone by. She's 16 months old. She'll turn TWO this year. Insane! Anyway, she's about the sweetest thing there ever was. She is at a really really fun age and I know it is only going to get better! And no, she's not inappropriately dressed, as you might think since I posted about SNOW a few days ago. These were actually taken the day after the snow--it was about 72 degrees on this day. Crazy, uh?!

Throwback Thursday

And...The winner is...........

Judith!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! The random number generator chose your comment in my list of comments!!

Judith, I'll be contacting you so we can get started on your new bloggy design!!

Thanks EVERYONE for playing!!!!!! For those of you who didn't win....if you would be interested in one of my designs, please don't hesitate to e mail me at brandy_foshe@yahoo.com

Thank you!!!

SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!

FINALLY we got a GREAT SNOW!!!! Even if it only lasted for half a day, it was totally worth it!!!

And of course, Jordan got to play in it!! At first, she wasn't too sure. She kept saying "no." But she finally warmed up to the idea and then we couldn't get her to come in...lol. She had a blast! And doesn't she look adorable!!!